Another visit to the cute Chinese guy

"Perhaps we could have a Christmas dinner together one evening?" he says to me while we're cuddling up, after the customary activities.

I'd been out shopping for clothes, plus a few Christmas presents for boyfriend number 1, when I'd received a txt msg from the cute Chinese guy.

guy: Hi GB, how r u? Hope u r keeping well! Hope to c u again at my flat sometime. x

And since the day was becoming colder and rainier by the minute, visiting a nice warm cuddly guy seemed like the sensible thing to do!

"Actually I'm going to be away on holiday soon with my Singaporean boyfriend", I say, "and it also might be difficult because I almost always eat supper in the evening with my London boyfriend".

"I don't think you're being specific enough", he says, snuggling into me even more.

"How do you mean?"

"You shouldn't talk about your London boyfriend. You're Kensington boyfriend perhaps, or wherever it is you live. Then I can be your Southwark boyfriend :-)".

Oh dear! With my gorgeous Japanese masseur getting close to boyfriend status too, maybe things are getting a bit out of hand?

My gorgeous Japanese masseur

I've been seeing B, my Japanese masseur, about once a week since I first met him last September. I confess though that there's been a bit of slippage in terms of what we get up to with each other when I visit for massage!

Originally I would either visit for massage, or for other activities, and the two were separate because neither of us want to feel that there's a 'sex-for-money' situation between us. But on the third visit for massage, I could tell B was feeling a bit frisky.

He finishes the massage and leaves the room for a short while, leaving me to relax on his futon. I always go naked for massage, and I'm about to get up and put my clothes back on when he comes back into the room. He looks me in the eye, and I reciprocate, smiling lovingly at him. He hesitates, but not for long, and the next thing I know he's lying next to me :-).

"Shhhh", he says, grinning. He'd told me when we first met that he doesn't want his colleague to hear anything that would imply activities rather than massage. I don't have a problem with that of course, and although the walls are quite thin, he had closed the door when he came back in so nature takes it course!

The next week, the same things happens. After the massage, he comes and lies down beside me, so I put my arm round him and kiss him on the lips.

"Naughty boy!" he says, grinning again. But it's clear that he wants me to be a naughty boy :-).

Afterwards he asks, "I get to know you like this before massage, right?"

"Yes, but it's really nice being able to play like this after a massage", I say to him, "it's OK isn't it?"

"Well", he says with a guilty tone in his voice, "not really". But he's laughing!

Because I like B, I don't want to put him in a difficult situation with his colleague, so I decide to vary the format the following week. I opt for a 30 minute massage, followed by a speciality herbal bath. That way, I won't be lying naked in front of him at the end of the massage session. Everything goes according to plan and after the bath, I go back into the massage room to put my clothes back on.

B watches me, and sees that I'm about to put my undershorts back on. But he looks slightly upset. Oh dear, I don't want him to be upset. So I walk over to him and give him a hug and a peck on the lips. But he looks longingly into my eyes. I look longingly into his eyes. So we kiss again. Somehow, I don't think my plan to plan to avoid activities is working!

"You romantic guy", says B afterwards, as we cuddle up to each other on his futon.

When I first met him, it's true that I was suspicious of whether he was just hooking me as a massage client by letting me have a bit of fun with him. More than anything else, the situation after the herbal bath proved to me that B is completely genuine.

The fact that B was eager for fun after I'd had the herbal bath eases my own guilt about the situation. So the next week, it's back to an hour of massage.

"If you like, I cook Japanese food for you one evening", says B as I'm getting undressed at the start of the session.

"That would be very nice", I say smiling at him, "but I almost always eat supper in the evening with my boyfriend".

"OK", says B thinking, "no problem". But he looks slightly rejected, even though he's known from the start that I live with boyfriend number 1.

"I got nice Japanese scarfs here", he says at the end of the visit, "you want one?"

Oh dear, boyfriend number 1 knows that I meet other guys, but he doesn't want me to be obvious about it. And taking a scarf home would be very obvious to him.

"Awww, that's very kind B", I say putting my arm around him, "but actually I've got loads of scarfs so I doubt that I'd use it".

Again, B looks slightly upset.

I feel that I'm getting a bit lost here. It's clear that B likes me, and I like him enormously too. And because I like him, I don't want to mislead him, or for him to be upset. Somehow I feel less connection to him than to boyfriends 1, 2 and 3. Perhaps it's because I sometimes find communication a bit difficult, because English isn't his first language. None the less, he may well be in the process of becoming boyfriend number 4.

Should I come out as a blogger to boyfriend number 2

When a guy lives with his boyfriend, and when they both love each other dearly, if either or both of them keep a personal diary they can rely on each other not to read each other's diaries if their relationship is strong.

When a guy goes on holiday with his boyfriend, and when they both love each other dearly, if either or both of them write a blog they can rely on each other not to read each other's blog if their relationship is strong? Or not the juicy bits that their boyfriend would be embarrassed if the other guy read at any rate??

It's an interesting situation. I am about to go on holiday with boyfriend number 2. We're both very internet oriented, but unlike me, I don't think he's a secret blogger because I tried looking for his blog and I didn't find it. Now that I'm a more respectable blogger, in that my sex life is no longer the hardcore focus of my blog, should I come out to him as a blogger?

Only people that have been reading my blog for a long time would know that the guy I call boyfriend number 2 was the subject of my first postings. My very first words of my very first posting were "I hadn't seen P since ...". However, since 13th June 2005, P has been known as boyfriend number 2!

There are lots of advantages in coming out as a blogger to boyfriend number 2. It's another step towards complete honesty with my boyfriends, that I started when I admitted to boyfriend number 1 that fidelity wasn't exactly one of my strong points. And boyfriend number 2 might well have lots of constructive and creative ideas relating to this blogging hobby of mine.

But what would boyfriend number 2 make of all the stories about my encounters with other guys? He knows I'm no saint, because I told him about boyfriend number 1 when we first met back in 2001. Worse, since this is my personal diary, some of my thoughts about him are recorded here, on the internet, for everyone to see. But then, he doesn't have to read those bits. Does he?

An email from a female reader

I received the e-mail below from a female reader.

Dear GB,

I just wanted to say how much I like what you are doing here! I wish more people would reach out and empower others. I do have a question, that I think you will be able to help me with:

Recently I had a one night stand with my ex that I broke up with over a year ago. While that's happened before to me with former boyfriends, this time it really felt different. Almost as though we were meant to be together. The sex was a lot different, and I felt like I wanted to have children with him. The other day I was out with a friend and we ran into an old friend of hers who is 7 months pregnant. Later my friend mentioned to me that her friend is engaged to my former boyfriend. That really shocked me at first. Now I feel kinda bad I slept with a soon to be married man, and my hopes of getting back with him are shatered. At the same time I feel bad for her because he got her knocked up and cheated on her. I'm really at a loss on what to do. Should I continue seeing him, should I let her know what kind of man she is about to marry, or should I just forget about the whole thing and find someone new to have sex with?

When I get e-mail requests for advice, I always feel honoured that someone thinks I might be able to help them, so I always treat the requests seriously.

One thing that occurs to me about this situation is that it might be a good idea for the reader to confront the ex-lover with the fact that he's now engaged to be married to a woman who's 7 months pregnant and who's carrying his child. She could tell him that he should confess to his fiancé that the two of them had a 1-night stand. If he reacts badly to the idea then at least she won't feel so bad about letting the woman know herself, if that's what she chooses to do. But it's hard for me to envisage a scenario where she gets back together with him.

Another thought is that what she might have experienced when she had the 1-night stand with him was the added confidence he would have had from being engaged to be married. Confidence is very powerful, which is why it's often said that "married men are more attractive". It all comes from the confidence that derives from having their life sorted. All this suggests to me that she should look elsewhere for sex, and given what he's done, I don't see how she could trust him anyway.

Do any other readers have any better advice for this situation?

The trouble with London taxis in December

"Actually I'll be away next month, in the run-up to Christmas", I told the cabbie on the way home this evening, "which is just as well because it's always murder finding taxis in December".

"Yeah, but it's good for us though! Although we have to try and make half January's money during the Christmas rush".

"The trouble is", I moan, "there are regular cab users like me, who take cabs all year round, but we're often stranded in December unable to find taxis because they're all full with people who only use them once a year! There should be a loyalty system to help us out somehow."

Although I can't conceive of any way that a London taxi loyalty system could work, advocating the idea when this topic of conversation comes up always makes me feel a bit better.

"Yeah, you get all the office nutters during the Christmas party season, and you can spot them a mile off. They probably drink lager shandy all year round, but because it's the office Christmas party and it's been free drink, they've been on the vodka/Red-Bull. You usually find them standing on the street corners late at night, with their shirts hanging out. They often come in pairs, hanging onto each other to keep themselves upright, and with reindeer antlers on their head. And in fact, us cabbies would much rather take fares from regular cab users!"

We both laugh.

"Tell you what", he continues, "if I've got one of these Christmas clowns in my cab and I see you trying to get a cab, I'll turf 'im out take pick you up!"

We both laugh again. But we both know it'll never happen :-(.

An evening with friends and gay bankers

When I met my friend P in a bar after work a few weeks ago, he persuaded me to take him along to next drinks evening for gay guys who work in banking in London.

"If it's full of bankers it must be full of rich guys who simply don't yet know that I'm the perfect boyfriend for them!" he drools.

The date arrives, so we meet up after work, and head to a little nearby sushi bar to get a snack beforehand.

"Actually, is it OK if a friend of mine comes along too later?" he asks as he finishes his second tuna portion.

"Maybe", I say smiling, "who is he? Would he fit in??"

"Well he's a bit of a geezer", says P grinning. "He's married with kids actually, but we met on gaydar! He usually dresses smart so he'll probably have his suit on".

"He's one of your gaydar shags isn't he", I laugh. "What does his wife say about that!"

"Oh I think she just turns a blind eye to what he gets up to. We'd did it once of course, but afterwards I decided that he's not really my type. He's good fun though. He wanted to go out with me tonight in Soho but I said I was going to the banker drinks. As soon as he heard about the event he wanted to come too!"

On the way over to the venue, P phones his mate and gives him the details of where we'll be. Soon we've arrived, and once inside, I buy a bottle of Champagne and we retreat to sidelines to survey the crowd.

"So are there any guys in here you fancy", I say to P, "given that you're boyfriend hunting tonight? There must at least one guy in here that you like the look of!"

"Oh I don't know", says P, becoming uncharacteristically shy, "it's much easier cruising onlne!"

We look around, and eventually settle ourselves at one of the tables in the middle of the room. Soon I can tell that he's got his eye on someone.

"Which one then?" I ask, egging him on.

"Well", whispers P, "This guy standing quite close to us here looks quite hot!"

Looking up, I suddenly realise that cuteCTguy is one of the guys in the group that's chatting with the guy that P thinks is hot. I catch cuteCTguy's eye and he comes over to say hello, so I introduce him to P.

"Would you like a glass of champs?" I ask cuteCTguy, "it's only Pol Roger, but it's not too bad".

"I do adore Pol Roger, but actually I'm OK at the moment thanks", he replies. "I think Pol Roger was a favourite of Winston Churchill's too! Are you a Champagne connoisseur?"

[ While writing this posting, I found a fascinating story about Pol Roger in this month's Decanter Magazine. Apparently, when the Germans occupied Epernay in September 1914, the police and municipal authorites fled, leaving only the mayor, Maurice Pol-Roger, to face the invaders. He withstood threats to shoot him and burn the town to the ground, earning him eternal gratitude from his people. When Paris was retaken by the allies in 1944, Pol Roger, now run Maurice's son Jacques, disgorged all its remaining 1914 vintage Champagne and served it as a toast to victory at the British Embassy, where Winston Churchill met Odette, Jacques' wife. According to Wine-Journal though, it was the 1928 vintage and not the 1914 which was served to Winston Churchill in Paris. Wine-Journal goes on to elaborate on the friendship between Winston Churchill and Odette Pol-Roger. ]

"I probably prefer high quality red wines", I tell him, "but decent Champagne isn't too bad either!"

"Well I reckon the wine list here is pretty reasonable", replies cuteCTguy, "in terms of choice anyway".

"Yeah. For Champagne they've even got the Cristal '99 :-). I haven't tried it yet, but I noticed recently that it's got a very high rating from Parker".

"But do you really take any notice of what Parker says?" asks cuteCTguy.

"True", I admit, "not if I can help it. Unfortunately though, he's hard to ignore when one's trying to buy good clarets at auction! Anyway, who are the guys you're with?"

Myself and P get introduced to the guys in cuteCTguy's group, including the guy that P thinks is hot. But P doesn't try to start chatting to him, even though it's a perfect opportunity. No wonder P doesn't have any boyfriends if he doesn't make any effort with guys he likes the look of!

Suddenly P's phone starts ringing. His friend is at the entrance, but since he doesn't have an invitation, someone from inside has to come and collect him. Soon we're all chatting together. As P had said, he's a bit of a wide-boy, but smartly-dressed and fun to be with.

"So does your wife know where you are?" I joke with him.

"I don't actually think she wants to know what I get up to!" he says laughing, "as long as I'm discreet".

"So as long as she doesn't get forced to admit that you like a bit of fun with other guys?"

"Yeah, that's pretty much it!" he says. "But it's not always easy to keep it all secret".

"Uh-huh?"

"Well, I was in Tokyo recently, and got riotously drunk in Roppongi. One thing led to another and the next day I woke up in an appartment on the 38th floor of a tower block, with an horrendous hangover, huge love bites on my neck, deep red scratches all over my back, and no idea how I'd got there! Actually he was a nice guy, and he apologised for all the marks, but we were both rat-arsed at the time so we were both to blame really. But buying all the Clarins make-up at Narita to try and cover up all the marks on my neck was a bit of a nightmare!"

For the next couple of hours or so we carry on socialising with everyone, and drinking a few glasses of Champagne. It was another fun evening :-). But at the end of it all, P was no closer to finding the rich boyfriend he thinks he wants. Never mind, there's always next time!

My modelling career begins :-)

It's the last Saturday in September, around 2:30pm. I'm meant to be working out whether to put in any bids for wine in the forthcoming auctions at Christies and Sothebys the following month, but as usual I've been distracted by gaydar.

Venturing into the chat rooms, I spot B online. B is my gorgeous Japanese masseur, and since our first meeting I've seen him a couple of times for fun, and I've also visited him as a client and paid for massage. But we always keep the fun and paid massage separate, because neither of us want to feel that there's a 'sex-for-money' situation between us.

GB: hi B
B: hello, how are you
GB: I'm good thanks, I might come and see you for one of your oil massages on Monday or Tuesday if that's convenient for you

We chat for a short while, but suddenly B's got a request

B: would you like be model for me?
GB: errrr, how do you mean?
B: like the guys on our-web site, so we would film you having massage

I've let guys film me before of course, in more questionable circumstances than this, but whenever I get these requests there's one thing that worries me.

GB: well I don't mind as long as no one gets to see my face in the film. I don't want to be identified.
B: no problem, we keep your face off the web site
GB: fine, when would you like me to visit?
B: are you free this afternoon?

We agree that I'll arrive in about an hour.

When I get there, I meet B's colleague for the first time. For some reason I had expected that his colleague would also be Japanese, but it turns out that he's English.

"Hi, I'm N", he says smiling at me, "I'm going to be the cameraman this afternoon!"

N is probably a few years younger than me, but a few years older than B, and he's a very friendly guy. He explains to me that the main business they do together is technical, and related to the internet.

"Massage is a kind of our favourite hobby", he says.

"So you're a masseur too?" I ask.

"Yeah, but it's B who'll be doing all the massage today".

They offer me a small snack and a drink while they're getting ready. I can't help wonder what the exact status of their relationship is. B had originally told me that they were colleagues and not boyfriends, but perhaps they started out as boyfriends?

"Presumably you'll want me naked?" I ask, genuinely not sure what the answer will be.

"Yes, if possible, if that OK for you?" says B.

No problem. I'm not a shy guy when it comes to nudity. While they're finishing their preparations, I take all my kit off.

"Actually I'm surprised that you don't want younger guys than me to model for you", I say casually.

"Not at all", says N, looking me up and down carefully, "you're a fine specimen of a man!"

It turns out that the 'video equipment' is just going to be N's cheap mobile phone.

"Don't worry", says N, "I know that you don't want your face to appear. Even if I get your face in during the filming, we're going to edit it before putting it on the internet so don't worry".

"One thing", says B with a glint in his eye, "you can do some acting perhaps?"

"How do you mean?"

"Well", says N replying for him, "if you could put in a few moans at appropriate points it would probably help keep our potential customers interested!"

I laugh. "OK! I'll see what I can do".

By now B has stripped to the waist, and they're all ready. The filming ends up taking about 45 minutes in total. They get me in various positions, lying on my front, then on my back, and show me having some traditional massage as well as their oil massage.

"Well done", says B at the end, "you going to be a star!"

"How do you mean?"

"Some of our existing promotional videos get watched thousands of times a day", explains N. "I'm sure this video will be popular too."

And so it is. The last time I asked, they said that it gets around 6,000 viewings a day. They've also had a few enquiries asking who I was, which they politely decline to answer of course.

I enjoyed making the video, and I also enjoy B's company, but I can't decide how to categorise him. There are lots of possibilities. Masseur, fuckbuddy, boyfriend, lover, ... ? Whatever he is though, I'm sure that I'll see him again!

An e-mail from fellow blogger cuteCTguy

Yesterday afternoon I received the e-mail below from cuteCTguy, author of Life in London Town. I don't normally identify people who send me e-mails like this, however on this occasion cuteCTguy specifically asked to be identified. His e-mail was as follows:

Dear GB,

I have colleague who is a graduate. He is a full 10 years younger than my 30 something. He is quite good looking and we have only ever exchanged greetings. The other day I needed to borrow a book on Collateral Management from his desk so I emailed him to tell him I had his book. Then I asked him how his gym training was going as he waved at me in the gym the previous week. He says fine. I ask him if he would like to come to the Attack class that same evening and here is his reply:

I'm there tonight but I have physio at 6.30 - then I think ill go for a jog and then some weights. I'm going for a jacuzzi afterwards if u fancy it?

I'm not that keen on these classes - I'm old fashioned I think I need to change my ways I might try one of those classes in the week.

I think this a curious invite to the jacuzzi. Anyway later in the day at the gym I am with Ben and Susie having done the class, and we are standing outside the class. He walks past, says hello and heads to the changing rooms. Ben and I head there as well to shower. I am changing and he comes up and says "so are you going to come with me". I am a bit shocked but curious. He is very hunky, 6 foot, brown hair, hairy chest, blue eyes. And cute northern accent too. I am curious and perhaps I make a mistake - I join him (Ben is smirking). We are sitting in the jacuzzi and he says "so do you have a girl friend or are you married?" I say neither. He says "me too".

I say to him that I've got to go, I have to meet a mate. I leave him there and I am down in the changing rooms chatting to my mate and he comes down and looks at my mate. I wave. He nods and walks back up.

Is he interested? I am confused as I don't get hit on much by younger guys. All my age or older. So is he hitting on me?

cuteCTguy

Well mate, for what it's worth my guess is that he is gay, but probably just trying to make friends rather than anything more serious. From your e-mail, it was you who made the first moves, and especially the first big move by inviting him to do a Body Attack class with you. Don't take this the wrong way but it sounds like you're very keen on him, and since he's gay there's no doubt that he's picked up on that. As a new gay guy in the City, he's no doubt keen to make contacts with other gay guys, so that's what he's probably doing.

If he's got an adventurous spirit, as a lot of guys do at that age, he may even think that it would be interesting to find out what happens if he gets to know you intimately. Although some younger gay guys stick to guys of a similar age, you are an attractive and successful guy yourself, so don't think that just because a guy is 10 years younger than you that he won't be interested. None the less, although at his age he can be forgiven for venturing to take things too far, you should definitely know better! Although myself and the Man from Fridae both work at the same bank, we never ever encounter each other during our daily activities, and that clearly isn't true in your situation. So certain activities with him would be highly inadvisable!

From your point of view, getting to know him better could be interesting, but if it's fun you're after I reckon aim for his gay friends rather than the guy himself. And if it is fun that the guy wants after all, there's one Gay Banker I know that doesn't work at the same bank as him!

Do any other readers have any other thoughts?

Lunch with my mate who almost discovered my blog

Today I met up for lunch with the friend who almost discovered that I write this blog when I met him for supper two weeks ago. I had taken a call from him mid-morning.

"Hi is that you GB", he starts, "do you have any plans for lunch today?"

"Errr, not at the moment", I reply, "do you have any irresistible suggestions?"

"Well I'm about to visit a potential client near your office so I could meet you after?"

"OK sure, how can I resist, I could slip out for a short while I guess", I say casually, "it's always good to see you mate".

But I'm wondering whether he's discovered my blogging secret and wants to confront me face to face to see my reaction. Of course, it's not as though there's anything I'm really ashamed of in this blog, so in the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter. None the less, I would much prefer that my friends don't find out about it, not just yet anyway, and certainly not until I've told my boyfriends about it.

About an hour and a half later he calls me from the reception of the bank I work for, so I go out to meet him.

"I could stand here all day just watching the gorgeous guys that work here coming and going", he says to me quietly as we head for the exit.

"You're permanently on heat aren't you mate", I laugh, "I'm surprised you ever get any work done!"

"Actually I am starting to worry whether I'm addicted to gaydar, or addicted to both sex AND gaydar. It must be one or the other!"

We walk along chatting and there's still no indication that he knows my secret. But he could just be toying with me. Soon we're sitting down with each other in a small restaurant, still chatting about life in general and his sex life in particular.

"Is that a love bite on your neck?" I ask him half-way through lunch.

"Oh yes, damm, I wore this shirt to try and hide it", he says grinning, "I got that last night!"

"Look at all the waiters in here", he continues, "they all look good to me. I think I'd do every one of them, preferably all at the same time!"

"Perhaps you should get some counselling somehow", I reply, slightly exasperated. "I'm not sure it's healthy to be quite as sex-obsessed as you!"

It's a perfect opportunity for him. If he has found my blog, all he has to do is to look me in the eye and reply 'or YOU!' and I'll know that I'm busted.

"Actually", he continues, "I'm glad I've got a friend like you. Knowing someone like you might just help me keep my feet on the ground."

Phew! Surely he wouldn't say that if he knows about this blog. The conversation continues but the obvious conclusion is, as I had originally suspected, that if you're not a blog reader googling for my GB e-mail address isn't an obvious thing to do.

"Let me ask you", I say relaxing a bit, "how many friends have you got, who you haven't been to bed with?"

"Errr let me think", he says smiling. "Well there's GB of course, and his boyfriend".

"I mean apart from us! I don't think you've got any others have you? Not that it matters. I'm not trying to be judgemental at all. It's just that I've noticed that all the friends that you mention to me seem to be originally the result of a gaydar hook-up or something!"

"Well there's the guy who threw the party all those years ago where we first met", he says defensively, "he's a friend and I still see him sometimes".

"He doesn't count", I laugh, "because I know that you met him through gaydar too, and that you had a shag together! Probably only once, but it just proves my point."

"Well I'm sure there are some friends", he continues, looking slightly worried. "I'll give it some thought and send you a list to prove it".

"I guess I'm starting to wonder what's wrong with me", I joke with him, "if you've slept with all your gay friends, why haven't we had fun together?"

He roars with laughter. "OK let's set it up", he tries. But he knows of course that I'm only joking. Although he's certainly an attractive guy, I've promised boyfriend number 1 that I never get involved with any of our friends. And living in London, there really is no need. As this friend of mine frequently points out, London is full of gorgeous guys!

The odd thing is that it hadn't happened before!

The Saturday after I met the Chinese American guy for a bit of fun after work, I get back from the gym late morning after an energetic workout. As usual, the sight of all the nice guys in the showers has had it's usual effect on me, so before long I'm logging into gaydar to see if there are any nice guys online.

After I've been in the chat rooms for about fifteen minutes or so, a slightly rough looking guy contacts me. We chat for a while. He's only about a thirty minute walk from me, so soon it's been agreed that I'll visit him. Of course, a thirty minute walk is only a ten minute cab ride so it doesn't take me long to arrive.

"Hi mate", he says looking me up and down, "you got here quickly".

"Yeah, I was lucky", I say, "I got a lift :-)".

He doesn't look like the kind of guy who takes many cabs so I don't admit that it was 'a lift' from a cab driver, for which I had to pay. Sometimes I reckon it's best to be economical with the truth, especially when one's trying to build rapport with a guy you don't know, with whom one is probably about to become quite intimate!

He smiles at me and I follow him upstairs. He lives on the 1st floor of a small terraced house. There's a living room, kitchen, bedroom, and bathroom. All quite clean, although perhaps a bit untidy.

"What's that in the corner?" I ask, pointing at a scruffy mannequin.

"Oh, I work in the fashion business, I sometimes need to use that when we're developing our ideas".

A gay guy who works in fashion, now there's a novelty! We chat a bit more while I walk around the room, gradually taking my clothes off.

"Do you work with many other gay guys", I ask.

"Well there are twelve of us in the office", he says. "10 women, and two guys. We're both gay of course!"

Soon I'm only wearing my undershorts, so I join him on his sofa.

"It's a nice place you've got here", I say, putting my hand on his knee and looking at him in the eye.

"Thanks", he replies with a slightly uneasy tone in his voice, "There's one thing I must tell you before we go any further though".

"Uh huh?" I say, trying to sound casual as I wonder what on earth could it be. Surely he's done this sort of thing before, so that can't be it. He also told me on gaydar that he was HIV negative, so any health issue seems unlikely. But before my mind can conjure up too many bizarre thoughts, he lets me into his little secret.

"I've got a P.A. !" he says.

All of a sudden I'm fascinated. I've seen a few guys in changing rooms with them before, read various stuff on the internet, and seen loads of picture of course, but the odd thing is that I've never had the chance to play with one! Until now :-).

"Can I have a look?" I say immediately. I don't want to sound uncool about the situation though.

Now it's his turn to strip. Soon we're sitting next to each other both wearing our undershorts, so I reach over to feel him. As I fondle his hardening equipment, the metal attached through the end is very obvious. Soon I've taken his undershorts down to get a better look.

"Isn't it ever inconvenient?" I ask out of genuine curiosity, lifting it up and down, weighing it in my hand, and moving it from side to side so as to get a good look from all angles.

"Well it can be fun going through security at airports!" he laughs.

Soon I've lost my undershorts too, and we have a lovely time together.

"So why did you get it done?" I ask him afterwards.

"I had it done about five years ago", he says, thinking back. "Actually at the time, I wasn't getting any sex. So I thought, 'if I can't use it, may as well decorate it!'"

A personality test from boyfriend number 3

I'm still seeing boyfriend number 3 about once every four weeks. I wish I could see him more often, but it's just not convenient for him. The last time I visited him, a couple of weeks ago, he makes me a cup of coffee as usual and we sit down next to each other on his sofa.

"Have I ever done this little personality test that I know on you?" he asks.

"I don't think you've done anything like that with me so 'No', I don't think so."

"Do you want to do it? It won't take long, but you've got to take it seriously or there's no point! I got it from my brother years ago."

"Okay, okay, I'll take it seriously", I say putting my arm round him, "what does it involve?"

"I'm going to tell you a story", he says, grabbing a pencil and paper from behind him. "For the moment, just listen."

"There is a river with a bridge over it, and a wife and her husband live in a house on one side. The wife has a lover who lives on the other side. The only way to get across the river is to walk across the bridge or ask the boatman to take you."

"Interesting setup", I interrupt, "looks like I'm the wife, boyfriend number 1 is the husband, and you're the lover!"

"Be quiet", says boyfriend number 3, "you're going off in completely the wrong direction! Now. The husband has to go on an overnight business trip in a faraway town. The wife pleads with him to take her with him. She knows if he doesn't she'll be unfaithful to him. The husband absolutely refuses to take her because she will only be in the way of his important business. So the husband goes alone.

That night the wife goes over the bridge and stays with her lover. Dawn is almost up when the wife leaves because she must be back home before her husband returns. She starts across the bridge but sees an assassin waiting for her on the other side. She knows if she tries to cross, he will murder her, because that's what he's been paid to do. In terror, she runs up the side of the river, and explaining her predicament to the boatman, she asks him to take her across the river. But he wants a half-crown and she has no money, so he refuses to take her.

The wife runs back to the lover's house and explains her predicament and asks him for a half-crown to pay the boatman. The lover refuses, telling her it's her own fault for getting into this situation. As dawn comes up the wife is nearly out of her mind and decides to dash across the bridge. When she comes face to face with the assassin, he takes a large knife and stabs her until she is dead."

"Have you got all that?" asks boyfriend number 3.

"Yes I think so. I don't think much of the lover though, if he really loved her he'd have given her the half-crown. It's only 12.5p after all."

"Yes yes, but this is an old story, so you haven't allowed for inflation! Anyway, what you have to do is to put the characters in the order in which they're responsible for the wife's death, starting with the person who's most responsible".

[IF ANY READER WANTS TO DO THE TEST THEMSELVES, DON'T READ ON UNTIL YOU'VE DECIDED ON YOUR OWN ORDER]

I think about it for a while, and eventually I have my answer. "Clearly the assassin is most responsbile, followed by the lover. I'm very sure of that. I can't distinguish very clearly what order to put the last three in, but how about boatman, wife, and lastly husband".

"Hmmmm, very very interesting", says boyfriend number 3 laughing, "why aren't I surprised! After all, you are a banker, visiting one of his lovers as we speak!"

"But what does it all mean?"

"The five characters all represent different aspects of life", he explains, "The husband represents love, wife=fun, lover=sex, assassin=money and boatman=mysticism".

"Ahhhh, so my order of importance is money, sex, mysticism, fun, love. I see what you mean about a banker visiting his lover!! But what order did you put them in?"

"Actually the order that one chooses can change as you grow older, but for quite a while now my order has been wife, husband, lover, assassin, boatman".

"Wife first! So you blame the wife for being unfaithful, but are happy to invite me round here to see you on a regular basis!"

"But don't forget that the wife represents fun!" he says, rubbing my knee, and turning to look at me with a glint in his eye. I do wish I could see boyfriend number 3 a bit more often!

Inappropriate toilet facilities

I'm at a birthday party for one of the guys from the gym I go to, chatting to another guy who works in Human Resources for a major bank in the City.

"So I guess you're the guys who get to see all the salaries and bonuses then?" I say mischievously.

"Well some of us do, when required", he replies, "but that side of the job is all pretty boring actually. The interesting stuff for me is dealing with the unusual situations that can arise".

"Uh huh", I say, "such as?"

"For example, we had to get involved when they discovered who was crapping in the lifts about five years ago".

"I BEG YOUR PARDON?"

"Yeah, it wasn't a one off incident either. Every now and then they'd discover a human turd in one of the lifts in our main building. So to workout who it was they installed cameras, and eventually they identified the culprit!"


"No, you're joking surely! Who was it then?"

"It turned out to be one of the female traders. A bit like people who attempt suicide but don't really want it to succeed, just a cry for help really. She couldn't cope with the power and stress of the job, and used to crap in the lift!"

An email from a gay male reader

Yesterday morning, I received the following e-mail from a reader:

Dear GB,

I enjoy your blog quite a bit, especially since you changed the format. It was time for some fresh air!

Since I noticed in a recent posting you received advice requests from some of your readers, and I do respect your opinions, I am wondering if you can advise on this situation:

• I am mid 20’s and gay, and I met a bloke via gaydar in July of this year


• We have been dating since then, but at a restrained pace (i.e. seeing each other 2-3 times per week; I've met some of his friends, he's met some of mine)


• I thought things were going well, but I noticed he's been logging on to gaydar again. (I checked by checking his profile's URL outside of gaydar)

Is this something I should be concerned about?

For me it's an issue of honesty. He has told me that he has been monogamous since we met. Logging on to gaydar of course isn't evidence of a breach, but certainly raises suspicions. I don't want to make it seem that I'm overly controlling. The more I mull it over though, I'm thinking it might be time to have a chat about where we stand, even though I prefer these things to evolve themselves rather than through firm declarations.

I'd be interested in hearing your perspective. I expect this isn't the first time someone you know has asked this question. Thanks.

Best regards

Isn't it strange how these things happen. In spite of my record of infidelity and my views against monogamy, I'm gradually turning into an agony uncle! In fact, since I started blogging I've had several requests for advice like this. Previously I've never posted anything about these requests, and although I answered each one as well as I could, I don't pretend that I'm at all qualified to answer these queries.

Anyway, for what it's worth mate, I definitely think you should talk to the bloke you're dating. The mistake I made with boyfriend number 1 was not discussing things enough. Although it can be hard to have these discussions, in healthy relationships couples can talk about these issues. Looking at it another way, in the long term, the relationship won't survive if you can't talk to each other properly.

Should you be worried that's he's logging into gaydar? I think you're spot on when you say it's an issue of honesty. If he's got lots of friends on gaydar, it can be used as a simple email system. But then it does have other uses too! Before you chat to him, I suggest you try and anticipate his possible answers, so that you can have your own views worked out. Then if it turns out that he does want a more open relationship, you'll be better prepared to discuss the subject.

Thinking about this reader's situation made me realise something very important. Another problem that me and boyfriend number 1 had is that we both agreed to be monogamous at the outset, because we both thought that's what we wanted and would always want. And even I managed monogamy for five years. Gradually though I changed my mind, but there was no 'mechanism' for changing things. Somehow it seemed impossible to bring up the subject.

How can a guy in his early 20's know what he'll want when he's in his 30's, or 40's? I think that's a mistake that many of us make. We don't cater for the possibility that we'll change our mind, especially about monogamy. So perhaps the most important piece of advice is to realise that things might change, and to factor that into early discussions. Then if things do eventually change, it's not a completely taboo subject.

Some young gay guys reading this might be thinking "What rubbish, I know that I'll always want a monogamous relationship". But how many of you also thought, while growing up, "I'm a straight guy, I'll never be gay"? Being honest with oneself can sometimes be the hardest thing of all. The honesty I'm suggesting here should be easier though, just admitting that ones views might change shouldn't be too difficult.

A surprise at the gym

It's true! I got spotted by cuteCTguy when I visited his gym as a guest recently. It's a good gym, and definitely has a high proportion of good looking guys. In fact I probably spotted cuteCTcuy first, building up a healthy sweat in a Body Attack class, but since I'd finished my workout I head to the showers.

I'm minding my own business as I towel myself dry, when suddenly I realise that cuteCTguy is smiling at me! Of course I understand that other guys like to admire my naked body and I don't mind at all (!) but cuteCTguy has other things on his mind. He tells me that he saw me cruising his colleague GN3, which is a bit unfair! Perhaps I was admiring the general scenery in the shower area :-). But I didn't know until cuteCTguy pointed him out that one particularly cute guy was GN3.

"Anyway, I think you're the expert when it comes to real-life cruising", I joke quietly with cuteCTguy, "I'm more comfortable online".

"Hmmm, not sure GB", replies cuteCTguy, "don't forget that I've read some of your old gym sauna postings!"

I must try and visit cuteCTguy's gym more often. Presumably he can't get too involved with his colleagues, and it would be a pity to see all that talent go to waste!

What makes the perfect boyfriend?

"So what are the most important attributes you look for when you're boyfriend hunting?" I ask. It's after work, one evening last week, and I'm sitting in a quiet gay bar with my friend P, after a long day at the bank. [NB: this is 'my friend P', which is a different person to 'my colleague P'. Although my colleague P has also become a friend! But I digress, this isn't a posting about why so many of the guys I know are called P!]

"Well cock size obviously!" replies P. The thing I like about P is his directness. And his insincerity.

"Yes obviously", I reply smirking, "but lets try and break it down a bit more systematically".

Whipping out my PDA, I bring up mobile Excel. "Let me see, what categories shall we have?"

We debate the situation for a minute or two and eventually I have it. Four simple boyfriend qualities by which to judge a guy. Appearance, Personality, Wedge, and Trouser department!

"OK, so what do you think your ideal is, percentage wise?"

"Hmmmm", says P thinking. He plays around with the cells on the spreadsheet. "How about that?"

Appearance=50%, Personality=15%, Wedge=15%, Trouser Dept= 20%.

"WOW 50% for appearance", I say, "who ever said gay guys are shallow eh?"

"Well what would your percentages be?" asks P.

"Fair question, but just let's just focus on you for a minute", I say grinning. "Now, this hugely rich banker that you met on gaydar recently, that you can't take your mind off, and spend every moment of your day worring about why he's not replied to your last txt msg?"

"Yes", says P smiling dreamily, "what about him?"

"How do you rate him in those categories?" It doesn't take him long to work it out.

Appearance=20%, Personality=25%, Wedge=50%, Trouser Dept= 5%.

"Interesting isn't it", I laugh.

"What do you mean", says P anxiously. "You think I should drop him because he's so far off what I really want?"

"Not at all", I reply. "If you ask me, that is your real ideal. What you originally put down was only what you think you ought to want!"

An email from a female reader: Is my boyfriend gay?

I got an e-mail from a female reader who lives in the USA yesterday, wondering whether the guy 'A' that she's been dating is gay. In my reply, I offered to post her story here, with the hope of getting some insightful comments from readers. She agreed to let me post her story so here is is:

Dear GB,

I went through a difficult divorce a couple years ago and A was the first person I met that I felt very connected to. He lives an hour away, so we only dated on the weekends. 3 months of dating went by with nothing sexual, just snuggling watching TV and some kissing. After 3 months we decided to go ahead with having sex. It was different from anyone else I have known. But I accepted it and thought things would get better as time went by.

Let me fill in here a couple of other things. During this whole dating thing with him, he would never let me visit him at his house. He was raised poor and thought it was in such bad shape. He was just too embarrassed for me to ever to see it. So he always come to my place. After a year though, I thought this was kinda strange, but didn't push his boundaries. Also, he is very very passive. Which is okay I guess, just different from anyone I known before. If we had physical contact, it was usually me initiating anything. Like I said he was born and still has a hard time just making ends meet. I am just opposite. I have worked hard and saved hard and I have savings accounts and live pretty comfortable.

We attended several out of state family get togethers, in which I noticed that when A walked up, most everyone got quiet. Someone even at the picnic, even mentioned "glad to see you, never see A with a girl before". Hmmh? Sometimes in conversation, he throw off on females in general, saying that's just how FEmales are. They can get their way, but if guys would all get their heads together, all that would change. Don't know if any of this is helpful, just want you to know the whole pic. We waited quite some time before anything sexual started. Again, at my initiating, which he seemed to like.

His personality and looks: He is short, but very nicely built, good looking, broad strong shoulders, a small waist and firm 'hiney'. When we did start having sex, he could never finish what he started. He had to finally take care of himself with me laying beside him. I could never understand this, after an hour of hot love making? Also, he always wanted me to touch him. He never once touched me completely. Three times he touched me lightly for just a few seconds and stopped. But he loved for me to touch him and kiss on him all the time. He did love to play with my breasts even while he was taking care of himself after not being able to finish otherwise. One of the last times having sex, he seemed to accidentally, but intentionally, go from regular sex to anal sex. I had never done this and would have been open to it actually. He asked me "am I in the front or back?", I said back, he continued, and later said he was sorry, and that he had never done that before. I assured him it was okay. Didn't believe it was the first time. Also he has this thing sometimes laying in bed, he would ask me to rub his hiney. Never run into that before either.

He's never been married and has no kids. He did take one vacation with a male buddy years ago to an island. I've always had a gut feeling that he was gay. If you have any questions, I'll be glad to answer. We are not talking for right now and may never again. But I don't want to spend the next couple of years thinking on this. Hope you or your readers have some insight.

My initial thoughts are that A might just be a straight guy who has a few emotional problems, perhaps relating to his poor background, and who has great difficulty relating to women. But he also might be a gay guy forcing himself to try and have a girlfriend. I'm still thinking about her situation, but meanwhile does anyone have any thoughts? I think there are probably some American things in her story which an British guy like me won't pick up on.

Gym changing room phobia

"Hi P", I say surprised, "how are you? I haven't seen you here in ages!"

I'm in the men's changing room in the gym near work last week, and by accident my locker is almost next to the locker that my colleague P is using.

"Have you just done a class", says P sheepishly. P knows that I enjoy some of the group fitness classes here.

"Err no, I've just arrived, but I'm about to do a class :-)!"

Actually P looks very uncomfortable. Then I remember what P's Chilean boyfriend D once told me, that P really doesn't like being seen in changing rooms by people that he knows. With a small towel wrapped round his waist he dithers for a while, and then looks even more uncomfortable when he notices that I'm stark naked searching my bag for my gym kit.

In terms of nudity, I reckon I'm one of the least shy people I know. It's hard to be shy when one has been naked in the intimate company so many other naked guys, of different shapes, colours, sizes, ages, and so on. But even I would admit that with each friend or colleague, there's a physological barrier to cross when getting changed in their company for the first time. After you've done it properly with them once, and you've all seen each other's equipment, somehow you've bonded in some deeper way and it's no longer an issue.

I've been in this situation with P several times now. P has probably seen me naked on all those occasions, but somehow he's always managed to avoid the issue and keep his own bits and pieces private.

"Catch you later mate", I say as I head off for the class.

A few mintues later, P passes me on his way out, while I'm waiting outside the studio for the class to start. We smile to acknowledge each other, although P still looks uncomfortable.

But after another minute or so, I see P again walking back towards the changing room!

"Forgot my bag", he says as he passes me, as though apologising.

Definitely the worst case of gym changing room phobia I've ever seen!

Calling fellow bloggers: do you write a sex blog?

I received an e-mail from a guy called Conal at Ricochet TV yesterday. They'd like to hear from any bloggers who write adult-oriented blogs. In particular, they're looking for bloggers who are prepared to be interviewed on camera. In spite of recent events, I do try and guard my privacy, so I'm not going to volunteer to be interviewed! But I offered to run an advert for them, which you can see below. It's a bold idea, and I for one would be very interested to watch any TV programme that eventually gets made. Does anyone have any other thoughts on this subect?

Do you keep a sex blog? Ricochet TV are making a documentary that explores the world of online sex diaries. We want to hear from the bloggers themselves. What they do and why, and what it is that motivates them to write about their exploits online. Although ultimately we are looking for people who are prepared to talk about what they do on camera, we’d still love to hear from anyone who keeps a journal. Whether it’s to help us build up a picture or even to provide an anonymous quote or story, we’d love to hear from you. We promise to treat all correspondence with the utmost discretion. Please email me (Conal) at sexblogs@ricochet.co.uk and do feel free to pass this information on.

The new Gay Banker blog

Back in February 2005 I created this blog with the title "Things I can't tell boyfriend number 1". Since then, I’ve enjoyed blogging enormously, and I have no intention of stopping. But I think the narrow focus of gay activities with other guys is a bit limiting. So in future I’m going to try and blog more about gay life in general, rather than my gay sex life in particular.

Changing the focus of my blog has been in my thoughts for three months or more. Back in August, I admitted that I might be addicted to sex, and that this blog was probably fueling that addiction! So I made sure that I had a quiet August. More recently, now that I definitely have two boyfriends, I thought that I should change the name of the blog anyway. But an incident a couple of nights ago convinced me more than anything else that it was time for a change.

"Out of curiosity", I ask, "do you think there’s anything I could do to improve my image?"

I'm with a mate in a Cantonese restaurant and we’ve just finished a meal together. But we've probably both had one too many beers.

"You worried what might happen if you ever split up with boyfriend number 1 then?" he jokes. As far as this mate of mine knows, myself and boyfriend number 1 are the most successfully monogamous gay couple on the planet!

"Don’t be silly", I laugh, "but I’m just curious. What would a 'gaydar-savvy' guy like you recommend?"

He looks me up and down.

"You’re a pretty fit guy actually, I dunno! Hmmm, your watch looks a bit cheap perhaps, maybe upgrade that a bit? What did it cost you?"

"I dunno", I say carelessly, "£15 perhaps".

He bursts out laughing. "I don’t believe it! A successful banker like you can afford something a LOT better than that. A guy like you, walking round with a £15 watch on his wrist? It's mildly eccentric if you ask me!"

"Okay okay", I say, "but the beauty of a £15 watch is that if I lose or damage it, it doesn’t matter!"

"Well that's as maybe", he continues, "but if you want one single thing you could do to improve your image, that’s definitely the answer. I bought this Rolex seven years ago for £2k and it’s been ideal. I’m sure you can afford much more than that if you want to!"

"But isn't Rolex a bit bling?" I protest.

"Just have a look on the internet when you get home. I’m happy to give you any advice if you think you need it."

"Well what type of watch do you recommend then? Actually I can get the internet on my new PDA, what shall I look for?"

"Oh just give it here", he says as I'm getting my PDA out of my pocket, "where’s google?"

Without too much trouble my mate finds the google page designed for PDA’s, but suddenly he has a surprise for me.

"Hmmm, hang on, what's this e-mail address here, who’s gaybanker?"

WHAT THE F*CK? But how could I have been so stupid! My PDA has my gaybanker passwords in it, and somehow going onto the google search site has activated the stored information. I remember all too late that Blogger.com is part of the google family.

"Errr, oh, just a friend of mine", I try to say calmly. But I’m not bluffing very well. I grab the PDA back from him. I’m in a state of shock.

"No it’s not, it’s you isn’t it! Why have you got an e-mail address like that? Shall I e-mail you there?"

"What? It won’t get to ME!" Well, what else could I say?

Suddenly my whole attitude has changed and my mate knows it. I try to carry on talking about watches but suddenly he's watching me very closely. F*CK F*CK F*CK. Luckily I don't think he’s a blog reader, so as long as he doesn’t search on the internet later for 'Gay Banker', I might just escape with my blogging identity still a secret. At the moment though, I’m still not sure what the outcome will be.

One thing is sure. If I continue to blog, then eventually one day everyone I know will find out that I’m a blogger. This recent accident with my PDA is just one possible way it could happen. But why would it matter? The answer, of course, is that up until now the focus of this blog has been my gay sex life outside of my primary relationship with boyfriend number 1.

Partly as a result of this little episode, I’ve decided to have a broader focus going forward. None of my attitudes have changed, or my policies. And I’ll still blog about sexual encounters sometimes. But I can’t let that continue to be the primary focus, not if my blogging hobby is to last.

So welcome to the new Gay Banker blog :-). It's going to be fun!